Greetings from Empilweni Farm, Zambia.
Over the last few weeks there have been days when I’ve been feeling lost in busy-ness, moving continents, saying goodbyes, shifting furniture and disentangling bonds with much of what has been emotionally and spiritually sustaining for me for the last fifteen years. So I took a couple of days out earlier in the week to rest and just be me and stop trying. What happened was amazing. Without plan or intention, in just making myself available and accepting that I felt lost, the direction of flow changed, just like the wind.
I’d been looking out from myself – planning, sorting, organising, hurrying, being very active, hardly able to sleep as I tried to fit everything into time that simply wasn’t enough, and finding myself unusually tired. The latter only came home to me when one of the tutors (THANK YOU!) said that I never used to get tired or talk of being tired, but here I was, tired and sometimes bordering on exhaustion when I went to bed. I hadn’t been able to be here so much – for which I’m deeply sorry – and I’m grateful that that too was mentioned. So, it was time to stop.
All I promised was, that whatever happened I would accept and know that whatever flowed towards me would be what I need and I would not resist, refuse, complain, try to change or be upset about it, since I trusted that the Divine would send me exactly what was right. After a few hours, I felt a beautiful shift. The divine flow just veered a little at first, moving gently more directly towards me now that I had moved myself and my busy-ness out of the way where I had been blocking it. I felt a deep inflow of relaxation and peace – both of which I needed. Then a strong healing that touched me everywhere, and I could feel my physical body realigning, healing, coming into harmony. My emotions became very calm and I was at ease with myself and the universe. My stamina, which I’ve always loved, started to return and I felt more myself, enthusiastic about life and all it holds, ready to suck the juice out of everything and to use all of the gifts the Divine sends my way – even if some of them I don’t like very much when I first see them.
I wandered about on the farm not denying my loss, my grief, my pain but adding just how grateful I am to have been the guardian of this amazing place these years and to have this huge extended family that I love so dearly. I found myself thinking a lot about the forum and the healing work that happens here, and also a beautiful message I had received only a few days previously which underlined that.
The second morning I was up very early and found myself meditating, swimming, reading, writing, giving myself a pedicure, creating a new workshop, drinking green tea and having a nap in the afternoon (which, for me, is unheard of) and I arose feeling loved and loving, nurtured and nurturing, cherished and cherishing, full of vitality and generally in awe of life, love, people, the courage I see around me (and that includes here on the forum), the amazing power of the Divine and how quickly healing occurs if we allow it, and I was ready to once more plunge into the river of life.
I still feel still that beautiful change in the direction of flow – back to what it always was for me. I needed to get grounded, stand still, just be, and allow the Divine conversation to continue at its own pace and be willing ansd strong enough to continue to stand still until I have clarity no matter how I or other people might want me to work at a different pace. This is me. It’s how I am. It works for me.
So maybe you’d like to join me as I call on beings seen and unseen to walk with me on my way to becoming the best I can be and fulfilling whatever sacred contracts I made with the Divine, and to being open that the Divine flow comes to me, fills me, brings me all that I need and more and moves me along my path.
Go well. Have fun. Be happy. Live. Learn. And be your beautiful majestic self.